Time to Retreat

August has been an interesting month where I rekindled with a couple of old connects and did some keen observations which brought me to this month’s topic, “Time for Retreat.” Retreat here, I don’t mean spa retreat or meditation retreat or even yoga retreat. Retreat here leans towards withdrawal. Withdraw from what you may ask?

Well, if you observed and take notice, humans are often attached to many people, things or even environment. It may be because it forms part of their identity.

But putting identity aside, humans in general are social animals who need to bond with people to survive. Some bonding could last a lifetime; and some are just temporary – coming in only at either a phase or some phases of our lives.

In terms of attachment of things, this could sometimes be a coping mechanism as it can comfort us on our mental or emotional state, like loneliness or stress. And without going too deep on the environment, I’ll probably briefly associate environment as our home and our working place or our social circle.

The thing is when we are so accustomed to our surrounding as in attaching to what we are so familiar with, we sometimes find it no reason to detach ourselves from it – which explains why separations are such difficult task. Because there is an emotional attachment. But what happens if what we are comfortable with, are not giving us a pleasant life? What if the familiarity are only serving the good and the convenience or even fulfilling the agenda of other people but ours?

If you encounter any one of these situations, perhaps, it is time to assess the worthiness of your time and energy spent. Maybe it’s Time for a Retreat.

Situation 1

Have you ever felt exhausted being in a particular environment or being with certain people?

You know the tired feeling after having a conversation with some people because all they do is spew negativity throughout the entire conversation. We know of some people who love talking about other people behind their back and that’s all they do. They love to be in a drama which they are not part of. It’s funny is it, some people survive on dramas of other people’s life. Now, this don’t necessarily happen in social outing among friends or colleagues.

This can also happen in a family unit. Some family dynamics can be rather toxic. Parents constantly critic everything you do and you can never get it right. Sometimes, parents can be a guilt tripper and also gas-lighter putting blame and making you feel responsible for their problems.

Being around people of such is draining and exhausting.

Situation 2

Have you ever felt so reluctant to be with some people or be in the environment – that thinking of them is already so draining?

These days, we see many people are somewhat lost in their career trajectory. They are stuck in a job, role or position which they find no meaning in. There are some or many, if I may say, who are feeling so demotivated performing the work they do. Perhaps, the job is mundane but most times, it could be the work culture environment they are in caused by office politics. I reckon, in any corporate environment, we can’t escape being included one way or another someone else’s political game in the office. While we may think it is common to have office politics but we can also choose to not participate in or sometimes to be in it just to survive. But isn’t it so stressful to have to face this every single day walking in the office. I have had a fair share of this and I can completely understand the extent of mental stress or even torture it can have on us. Such toxic environment is not worth being in because, at the end of the day, while you may be drawing a fat salary every month, is it worth the doctor’s appointment every month and popping all sorts of pills to get yourself better?

Situation 3

Ever notice that in certain situation, we are constantly giving and not receiving – sometimes not even a simple ‘Thank you’ as a courtesy.

I’m sure we have all known that one person, doesn’t matter whether it’s a friend or relative or colleague, who doesn’t pay at all when going for drink or meal. All sorts of excuse or reasons they’ll give to not pay. Yes, it may sound strange but I have met with these sort of people.

Well, good news is, I have moved away from this friend and it feels so good.

How about when it comes to family? Sometimes, some family member’s kindness can easily been taken for granted. We understand the meaning of shared responsibility among family members and being kind to one another because of blood-ties. I reckon, having some boundaries would be necessary, too so we don’t get trampled all over. I have heard of stories where a child has helped the family again and again but in return was shunned and credit was given to the other siblings when the task was completed. It was a disappointment for that child; of course but that child continues to give because they are the parents. I thought the kindness was somewhat misused by the family members but imagine having to face situations like this, would you retreat or continue to just give?

Declare our Time to Retreat by making space to sit with ourselves. Observe everything that is going on and identify the environment or the people who sap our energy when we are in close proximity with.

I've shared on one of my previous episodes “Today, Let’s Make Space” released on 31st May 2023 on how to make space for ourselves. I hope we can all take the appropriate retreat for our betterment.

I'll leave you with these words:

“Retreat is not a total withdrawal from everyone and everything.

Retreat is simply returning the wellbeing privilege, back to ourselves for a healthier living instead of mere coping.”

Stay blessed and always take good care of yourself. It matters before you care for others.