Relationship of Platonic & Romance

Our life is made up of relationships as we connect with one another throughout this universe.

Relationships (romantic or platonic) are made out of 2 or more people having some commonality i interest or values who feel comfortably worthy to go on building a more meaningful connection.

It takes years to build a relationship that lasts. It involves many levels of respect, understanding & acceptance. These are efforts and possibly time sacrifice that we are willing to make.

We get into a relationship with whole lot of beliefs, values and expectations which we hold on firmly. We believe that our set of beliefs are right, our values are faultless and our expectations are reasonable.

We (consciously or unconsciously) apply our beliefs onto our partner or friends expecting the results we envisioned in our mind.

But as we bring in our beliefs, values and expectations into the relationship, we forget that the people who we are forming a relationship with, are also bringing their own sets of beliefs, values and expectations, too.

The start of any relationship is always fun as we peel the first layer of ourself and that of the other. I call this the ‘Getting-to-know-You’ phase.

Often, we do not speak of our darkest moment when we are having fun exploring one another. We like to get to know people who are a bundle of joy – who are always cracking up jokes, saying the most rational thing; which explains why we see the first few years into the relationship is always filled with laughter. We mostly cannot see anything displeasure of each other.

Granted, there are some relationships that begin with the common emotional journey shared. It could be the support we give to one another that make it seem like a promising emotional float that could support one another in times of darkness in life.

The real test is when these dark phases are repeated, can our partner or friends support us repeatedly? Even if it wasn’t the emotional connection that brought the relationship closer, admist all the fun and laughter, can our partner or friends see through the little indication of a clouded phase enclosing us for the first time and try to understand and support us?

The belief that our partner or friends will always stand by us no matter what, will lead us carrying an expectation that our partner and friends will never disregard us when we are in our dark moments. We trust that the few similar values we share will pass this test.

But, when it doesn't materialize the way we imagined, frustration begin building inside us. As we cry for their support but receiving something different, we’d slowly create a feeling that our partner or friends do not understand us.

Let’s look at one simple example, say we had an unpleasant zoom meeting with our boss. say we had an unpleasant zoom meeting with our boss. After the meeting, we wanted to whine about it to our partner hoping to hear some words of consolation in the like of ‘Is she alright to have to lash at you that way? I’m so sorry she behaved that way to you – you don’t deserve it’

Instead all we got was ‘It’s ok. No biggie. You know what she’s like!’

What we expect and what we got was so different resulting in our frustration building up further. If situations of the like keep repeating, and our expectations are not matched up, we began to feel we are not fully supported and slowly we create an image of how incompatible our partner is with us.

Slowly, this unpleasant representation of our partner could lead to constant arguments, fights, disagreements and sometimes, violence can begin creeping in.

If our beliefs and expectations are not spoken about and adequate efforts are put in to understand each other, this could easily lead to breakups.

In all of our efforts of understanding each other, try listening closely to the words of our partners and friends. Whether we are the one seeking or providing, spend another extra minute to understand the words spoken. Sometimes, those words could have been repeated.

Read closely what was written in the messages. Not everyone is good in expressing themselves. What if our partner or friends are one of those who find it challenging to express themselves? Show them that it is ok for them to show their emotion without judgement. We give them space and time to convey what they wish to tell us with patience. Sometimes, all is required is a safe space.

Be mindful of how we respond or react. What is alright for us may just be too much for another. We can be quick, we can be slow, we can be frank or modest with our words, but relationship requires many levels of understanding and acceptance.

When a relationship is formed, we forget the notion that all of us has the potential of changing for change is constant.

When adequate effort is put in to foster the relationship, we are all moving towards a healthy relationship (both romantic or platonic).

When we support each other throughout all endeavours instead of comparing and competing, we are (definitely) growing in the relationship.

“When our beliefs, values and expectations are matched up as close as we can, we are possibly in a safe relationship that values the true us. – Sharon C”