Looking within Self ... How to?

I think it is fair to say that many of us feel overwhelmed with all that is going on around our world & the outside world. Then there is this societal notion that we have to also care for what’s happening in other people’s world, too – especially those who we care. So, we end up mostly spending our time dealing with so many things and people, leaving little to no energy for ourselves. Sometimes, we could have taken too lightly the need to make a date with ourselves – thinking that we will always be fine. But the reality could be different.

Recently, I was in a meditation room on ClubHouse with a Buddhist monk where towards the end of the meditation session, the monk will open the floor for any questions, thoughts or comments to be shared. There was one participant who voiced out her current restlessness with the world happening. She was finding it hard to get a grip with all that is happening and wanting to know what and how exactly one shall look within self as well as stopping all that is happening outside, like stopping the war.

There’s many parts to this conversation between the monk and the participant but I will just draw in to the part on looking within self, which I have been practising for a little while now.

In a world which is so noisy and chaotic, it is natural that we get consumed by the madness of it all. With traditional media outlets being side-lined and replaced by the social media platforms, news and information are now easily available and practically at our fingertips every second. It’s pretty overwhelming at times.

It is also understandable how some people may feel like hope is almost absent in all that we are witnessing.

On one side of the world, there’s war. The other side of the world, poverty still persists. Another side of the world, humans are losing track on how to live a decent life, and decide to end it all on their own. In all the fumblings, AI are replacing many aspects of our lives – though it could be seen as progression, but for those who can’t keep up with the world remodelling, the change can be difficult to apprehend and comprehend.

Although we still appreciate the many wonders of the world, some find it sad, living in what seems like a depressing world in their definition. Thus, pushing many of us to returning to searching for happiness and contentment that we have taken for granted with the presence of material possessions.

Happiness seems like a trendy word over the last few years. Many authors and spiritual gurus or advocates have different words for the one thing that all humans are looking for – happiness or happier-ness they may call it. How ever we phrase it, in what ever way we put it, in any language or verbs or noun we may use, humankind ultimately seek for ease and calmness in their life, as they embrace the inescapable sufferings of their own. Hence, comes the words like mindfulness, awareness, well-being, healing that we commonly hear these days, too. Oh, and meditation has become such a big part of our daily practise as we see rise in life coaches in variety of personal wellbeing fields including meditation guides.

My journey in selfcare advocacy under the wings of Hope as witnessed through all my contents, has brought me closer to the teaching of the late Thich Nhat Hanh – returning home to self.

Through my observations, many seem to struggle with the act of looking within self. Many ask how and often make joke around this act. Some say there isn’t anything about looking within self, instead looking out to our separate self. I guess, looking within self is not an act where we use a magnifying glass and try to rip ourselves apart and see inside. It is deeper than the physical act itself.

So, how do we look within ourselves? I’ll share these 2 steps.  

1. Cultivate self awareness

As cliché as it can be, self awareness is essential. If one understands what true self awareness is, you would appreciate how Self awareness can helps us to recognise & acknowledge the ‘what is’ so we can understand to have realisation to proceed with the ‘how to’.

Self-awareness is not just our alertness to our knowing or of our knowing. It is the acknowledgement & understanding of our own thoughts, feelings, values, actions. The rationalisation we make of the states of our BEing, so we are able to assess, decide and make mindful choices.

So it is reasonable to say, self awareness can be developed and not necessarily an innate ability. But, regardless of age or experience, not everyone is capable of cultivating self awareness.

Because one must not only have a reasonably cognitive intelligence of the mind, it must also include the emotional intelligence.

The mind is mostly all about the rational, the logic and the reasoning. It’s like science. There is a justifiable answer to every happening.

With matters of the heart, which mostly relate to feelings and mood, there is no outright answer to it all on the surface. It needs more attention to coax and get around with it. This is also why matters of the feelings are easily pushed aside because it needs time & patience; which takes me to the second point.

2. Making space for ourselves.

To look within ourselves, we must make space to be with ourselves for ourselves.

We’ve heard people suggesting making date with ourselves. This can mean many things such as reading a book, meditating, doing things we like, pursuing our hobbies, etc.

My recommendation on making space is to gently adjusting our comfort as we accompany ourselves without doing anything physical.

Sitting is the highly recommended position.

Be mindful when we are in that comfortable state and, bring our conscious awareness to these observations, without judgement nor blame:

Our thoughts

Observe our thoughts. What is playing on our mind. Are we holding on to any of the passing thoughts?

Our suffering

Observe our suffering. Laying the physical pain aside for a moment, if there is, can we take notice of what is making us uneasy if the physical pain does not exist.

Our behaviour

Observe our behaviour. Are we reacting to all these observations at this moment. Can we notice tingling on our fingers or toes, or are lifting our hands, notice any small little gestures, if there is.

Our speech

Observe our speech. In this peaceful state, are we uttering softly, can we hear our angelic voice whispering - reacting to all these momentary observations.  Or is there a playback of any past conversations that has deep impression on our being?

As we practise the above spacious observations, we are also meditating somewhat.

Many are into meditation these days and thus created many definitions of this exercise. You may have heard of some and have yours tailored to your understanding. If I may, I’d like to share my understanding of meditation. In a nutshell, meditation exercise heightens our conscious awareness so we stay mindful in our thinking and conduct. It is less about whether we are sitting right, whether we close our eyes, whether we stay calm all throughout after the exercise, etc.

It is the ability to comprehend matters and people as we BE in each moment of our living.

We can’t simply control many things in this world, especially when the act is of another person. Therefore, returning home to self allows us to take refuge, gently coaxing our thoughts and feelings; then assessing and review parts of our life where we could resume control.

I do have overwhelming phases in life or even days where I feel out of control. I practise these 2 steps and I feel soothing each time I return home to myself and look within me.

Some parting words to leave you with,

All things in life is impermanent.

Every moment in life is fleeting by the second.

Make space to look within,

so life has greater meaning,

through our graceful mindful living.

Do give the 2 steps of looking within self a try, so you can feel the blissfulness of returning home to self. If you wish to chat further on these, please leave a comment on this post.

Lastly, look after yourself before you care for others. 🫶