A Chance to Heal

There’s chaos in our everyday life. To give up or to go on, the choice rests in us – but whichever choice we make, let us give ourselves a chance to recover from our pain or hurt – the least, allow ourselves to live wholesomely through our healing.

Let us ask ourselves these questions:

Who's not been hurt?

Who's not been plagued by unpleasantness?

Who's not been sorrowful?

I have learnt throughout my journey that there are many events that can cause one to feel sad, grief, sorrow, joy, etc.

Some events may be minute for us, but it could be of significance in someone else's life.

Put aside intensity, quantum, severity of one wishes to compare, most of us if not all have been through some phases of life that isn't so fun or joyful.

Death of our loved ones is one event majority of us would agree, is filled with grief. I could talk about this with the passing of my late mom some a little less than 1 decade ago. But I feel, many has spoken of death grievances that may have helped many get through this phase a little more forgivingly.

How about loss of job?

Some may think, it's no big deal, just find another job.

I used to think it was just that, but if we be reasonably open here, the "big deal" may not necessarily be the act of looking for job. But possibly feeling of the loss of one's identity. An identity that we may have inadvertently (or intentionally) created through our professions.

How so?

Many of us view our jobs not merely just a paycheck. But the job we do sometimes or most times shape the type of person we are one way or another – from the type of work we do, how we do it, the title & remuneration that comes with it, the daily routine that is closely related to it, etc. It can also be complex especially when our financial and welfare state relies heavily on the job that we've just lost. In many ways, staying in attendance in the current society surroundings, the security that comes with the job we hold, assures us in many ways. A lot of times, one may feel like they are not the same person they used to be. It makes sense. So when one is being let off their current job or made unemployed, it takes time to heal one way or another as they strive to step forward in any way possible.

So here, we can practise some compassion to understand that healing can happen at so many levels for so many people. For someone who once experienced job loss, I can emphatise to some level of difficulty to remain all good when you are trying hard (or struggling) to normalise everything else from all aspects. Good news is, there is always ways to reprogram our view of our situation.

In this sense,

Healing plays a role and is necessary to reclaim our lost self.

To do so is to first cultivate self awareness. It isn't an easy process but self awareness is essential to :

👉 understand our current state

👉 come to terms with all the beautiful and ugly side of self & situations

👉 determining which area we are ready to face

👉 taking baby steps for action

This is my framework based on my experience of healing from an overdue grief and the loss of employment.

I further understand that after years of healing is that healing is not mending the hurt, but simply retrieving our disconnected self as a consequence of various events that impacted us in not so pleasant manner.

So, one's healing process may sometimes take years and may never reach a destination, for there is no destination in healing.

We are not able to undo what's been done. Therefore, in the process of healing we aren't dismissing the past or forgetting what has taken place.

It is a process of despite it all, being able to bring out what's still alive within us and see the world with a different lense.

Some said coming out as a better version. At some point, I thought it was. But through Dr Gabor Mate's writing, it's being a different version of ourselves that radiate the oppressed qualities that have always lived within us that makes life worthy.

So whichever phase of life we are at now,

Compare not where we should be now with others. Let's learn to embrace the present state and oil our wheel to keep moving. Are we ready to see the world with a different view?

Here I share a quote by Buddha from some 2500 years ago,

"Everything has a mind in the lead, has mind in the forefront, is made by the mind."

Our mind dictates what our world will & shall be. Do we continue to be a victim of our past events? Do we triumph out of the past events? Or do we stay attached to our past?

As we take one step forward, we will bound to hear all sorts of noises that may sway our intention to be accountable for moving away from the past.

Take 2 steps back.

Allow ourselves to assess these noises if they so serve us. Then the next step again.

If it gets too noisy, we deserve the right, to silent the noises surrounding us, or be selective of which noise we allow in.

Sometimes, because of these noises, we may go back & forth numerous time into our past that may deter our action of moving forward. It is ok and it is normal. It's also understandably hard to stay focus when our environment is influenced by all sorts of sound pollutions. So, keep the focus on the next best step, even if it's just a baby step. If we remember, a baby crawls before he/she began walking. At some point, we shall hit home-run to permanently step forward despite the noises.

Our self awareness always drive us to determining what's within our control. It is common for some of us to think we can grip on or hold on to everything that comes towards us in all directions. But when we sit with ourselves, when we make space to be with ourselves, we may come to realise that we can only hold so much within our grip.

Try this, go to your coffee bean jar or bean jar or nuts jar and try gripping how ever much you can grip. Notice how some of the beans fall off your grip? This is exactly how our world is. There are many things and issues or problems that can be thrown onto us. But not all, matter to us. Perhaps, we ought to consider what we can let go that is not within our control. For example, if we are faced with someone who constantly belittle us, what we cannot control is the other person's belittling habit. What we can control is to move away from this person. This can be a tedious process depending on our past events. So take your time to ascertain what is it that we can control and we can do about it.

Everything is tough especially when we are in a difficult state. Intellectually, we always know the reasonable actions to take to counter the situation we are in, but somehow there's this stiffness in our body to move in congruent with our mind. Hence the phrase, it is easier said than done.

It is easier to give advice than to follow & execute our own advice.

To give hope to our own escapade, let us all bring on the courage to face it all with our heads held high. No! It’s not arrogance. Its the subtle pat on our shoulder encouraging us to ‘Go on – you can do it.’💪

The least, we choose to see hope; and to materialise the hope, we pair it with our execution as humbly as we can.

Here, I share an extract from Chapter 25 Mind in the Lead : The Possibility of Healing in the book, The Myth of Normal written by Dr Gabor Maté & Daniel Maté, as an added message to this writing.

"Healing is nothing more or less than a natural movement toward wholeness. It's a direction, not destination. Healing is not the same as self improvement. It is also distinct from being cured because cured means the absence of disease, while healing implies coming to wholeness. Therefore, healing inches close to self retrieval.

Healing is the process of reuniting ourselves with the inner qualities that still live within us as inherent possibilities that make life worth living."

So, today be the ordinarily you to heal so you can be exceptional in your own stance.

I’ll leave you with these words,

“We can only see clearly the world we are in,

Not anyone else's.

We heal for our wholesomeness,

Not for the livelihood & praise of others.”

If you're on your wandering ride to heal, keep going. Everyone deserves the right to be wholesome. You’ll find your anchor.

Good Luck! 💪

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