My Breathing, My Present

It was 2.34 a.m in the morning. I was still up. It was one of those nights when I was clouded by some worries and concerns. So, I reached out to my phone on the bedside and checked-in on my social media platforms. Nothing really interesting; but what was I really looking for? Not sure. I guess I was just browsing through hoping to keep my mind off from the worries I have. I clicked on YouTube and scrolled through the feeds.

There, amongst all the usual or related interests’ videos, there is this video by Thich Nhat Hanh on ‘How To Stay Present When The Present Seems Unbearable?’. I clicked on the video. It was question asked by a participant during a retreat session at Plum Village, France.

The video was only 14 minutes 52 seconds. I listened to every word in his answers with his usual calm tone and face that carves a smile in between each word. My favourite part of his answer was along the line, regardless the emotions we are experiencing or the feeling we are feeling, we often imagine something about the future to forget; or we travel back to the past to forget. All these time travel of our mind neglected the opportunity to return to the present – the place we ought to be, tending to our current feeling & emotion be it pleasure or pain. He said, ‘The past and the future are mere images – only the present moment is real’.

Suddenly, like stardust dusting all over me, it dawned upon me that I was envisioning too far ahead. I was dreaming of the ‘perfect’ life I was hoping for. And these were the culprit to my sleepless hours that night. I was too anxious, I could not breathe the conscious breath. In a swift, I felt my plans are not worthy. My awareness drifted to a faraway land. I haven’t lived in the present moment.

I closed my eyes and I reflected on Thic Nhat Hanh’s words. I could feel my brains cells were running wild with topsy turvy neurons wired clumsily all across. I interjected by telling myself to breathe. Just breathe! Inhale 1, 2, 3! Exhale 1, 2 3!

I repeated this in my mind and I soon became aware of my breathing. The blank blanket in my mind slowly drew apart showing lights of promise. My framework of plans became clear to my mind.

We all have days when we become so overwhelmed with things - jobs, business, financial, family, health, it could be anything. It is during this time, we sometimes forget to live in the now. When we are plagued by troubles or challenges, we often travel to the past to revisit our moments of highs or we travel so far ahead to the future satisfying our momentary fantasy of desired life. When we are showered with pleasure moments, we can too, forget to savour the now by driving our wants higher.

I couldn’t remember what time I fell asleep that night but the universe must have come to my aid by ‘orchestra-ting’ the events that led me to that video. I have learnt much in those quiet hours through words of wisdom; and will continue to practice awareness to learn to live in the present moment - especially in moments of emotional whirlwind. It will be life-long learning for me.

"The past and future are mere images;

The present moment is real."

By Thich Nhat Hanh.